we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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