why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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