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I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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