definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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