if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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