She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
