bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
