I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize