You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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