Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
