Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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