whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
