The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
