So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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