I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize