It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
