my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
