I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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