Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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