You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize