I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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