Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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