My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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