Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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