2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
