I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
