Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
