so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
