fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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