UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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