You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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