Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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