Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
