I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
