Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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