Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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