Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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