I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
