Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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