So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
