I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She's the barista slut.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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