Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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