yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
