so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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