So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
