there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
