You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize