If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
