My first STD was from a foam party
You smell like stripper and shame
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
