This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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