Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
