You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
