I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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