Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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