Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
