I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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