mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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