just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
