My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
