What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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