Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
