I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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