So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
