I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
