Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
