ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
