JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
