Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's blow job season.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
