Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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