Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
