I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
