So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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