Do you still have your period?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
