This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
