you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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