I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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