You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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