he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Life is so much better after having sex.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Someone came in the potted fern
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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