I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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