yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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