Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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