why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
