my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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