I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize