Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
