Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dick very happy bro
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
