Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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