Your dad touched me again.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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