he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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