soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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